THE SECRET VAMFEM FILES: WHATEVER IT TAKES

They promised everything. Then the vampires discovered who had taught them to. The newest VamFem leak began with underwear. That sounds ridiculous now. At the time, apparently, it was hilarious. Someone using the name VELVETTHIRST had copied a private message into an internal vampire forum beneath the heading: THINGS WOMEN HAVE ACTUALLY OFFERED TO BECOME PERMANENT The first line read: “If you keep me, I will never wear underwear again unless you specifically tell me to.” The responses arrived instantly. BLACKLACE: That is her strategy? REDROOM: Apparently the panties were the only obstacle between her and eternal happiness. SABLE: Does she understand laundry? VELVETTHIRST: Wait. Another message appeared. “I can wear heels every day. Even at home.” BLACKLACE: Every day? VELVETTHIRST: Every day. REDROOM: Until podiatry do us part. Another. “I can sleep in them if you like.” SABLE: No she [BLEEP] cannot. Then: “I’ll dress however you want.” Then: “I’ll cut my hair however you want.” Then: “I’ll dye it.” Then: “I’ll gain weight.” Then: “I’ll lose weight.” Then: “I’ll get surgery.” BLACKLACE: Do they think permanence is a talent competition? REDROOM: Apparently. Then someone posted a woman who had attached a list. Not a short list. Forty-three items. The moderator later removed most of them from the archived copy. What remained read: No underwear. Heels at home. No locked bathroom door. No private phone. No separate bank account. No male friends. No refusing guests. No saying no in bed. No questioning where the vampire goes. No complaining if awakened. No complaining if ignored. No complaining at all. Items thirteen through nineteen had been replaced with: [BLEEP] Items twenty through twenty-eight: [BLEEP] Items twenty-nine through thirty-seven: [BLEEP] Item thirty-eight had become: [EDITOR'S NOTE: NO.] Thirty-nine through forty-two were missing completely. Forty-three survived. “And if none of that is enough, tell me what is.” The forum exploded. REDROOM: FORTY-THREE? SABLE: Did she prepare a résumé? BLACKLACE: Apparently a terrifying one. VELVETTHIRST: She called it “what I can offer.” REDROOM: I am afraid to ask what thirty-eight was. ADMIN-VF: You should be. Someone else posted: “I will cook dinner wearing nothing except heels and your necklace.” Another: “You can decide when I eat.” Another: “You can decide when I sleep.” Another: “You can decide who sees me.” Another: “I will ask permission before leaving the house.” Another: “I will wait by the door when you come home.” Another: “I don’t need a bedroom.” Another: “I can sleep beside your bed.” Another: “I can sleep under it if that is what you like.” BLACKLACE: UNDER IT? REDROOM: We are vampires, not badly written aristocrats. Another applicant promised: “I can kneel whenever you enter a room.” SABLE: Why? VELVETTHIRST: No idea. REDROOM: I would trip over her. Then the first genuinely obscene collection arrived. Not obscene because of what it explicitly described. Most of that had already been replaced. Obscene because of how casually it was offered. “I can do [BLEEP].” “I can do [BLEEP] even if somebody else is watching.” “I can do [BLEEP] with your friends.” “I can do [BLEEP] in public if you tell me where.” “I can learn [BLEEP].” “I don’t have limits anymore.” That last sentence received fewer jokes. Still, the thread continued. One applicant offered to wear a collar permanently. Another offered to have the vampire's name tattooed across her body. Another offered to change her legal name. Another offered to surrender her passport. Another promised that every paycheck would go into the vampire's account. Another wrote: “I don't need access to the money. Just tell me what I am allowed to spend.” REDROOM: That is not sexy. BLACKLACE: That is an accounting nightmare. MORNINGSTAR: That is her marriage. The thread stopped. BLACKLACE: What? MorningStar posted a background note. Married at twenty. Husband controlled finances. Salary deposited directly into joint account. Debit card removed after arguments. Required receipts for groceries. Required approval for clothing purchases. No independent savings. No credit card. No car in her name. Divorced at thirty-four. Created a VamFem profile eleven months later. MORNINGSTAR: She isn't offering us something new. SABLE: She thinks that's how relationships work. Nobody answered. A minute later someone posted another. “You can inspect my phone every night.” REDROOM: Ex-husband? MORNINGSTAR: Yes. Another. “You can choose my friends.” BLACKLACE: Ex-boyfriend? MORNINGSTAR: Yes. Another. “I’ll send you my location every hour.” SABLE: Don't tell me. MORNINGSTAR: Former fiancé. Another. “I’ll give you every password.” REDROOM: Jesus. MORNINGSTAR: Same fiancé. Then: “If I embarrass you, you can punish me.” Nobody made a joke. BLACKLACE: Background? A file extract appeared. Hospital visit. Two cracked ribs. Hospital visit. Dislocated shoulder. Urgent care. Laceration. Police report. Withdrawn. Police report. Withdrawn. Restraining order. Withdrawn. SABLE: Why withdrawn? MORNINGSTAR: He threatened her mother. The forum went silent for almost two minutes. Then another proposal landed. “I can take a punch.” No response. Then: “I know how to hide bruises.” No response. Then: “You won't have to worry about me making trouble.” REDROOM: Who the [BLEEP] told her those were attractive qualities? MORNINGSTAR: The man who called himself her boyfriend for seven years. The humor began dying. But the messages did not. A former escort wrote: “If you have guests, I understand.” Someone asked what that meant. Nobody needed to. Another wrote: “I know how to entertain important people.” A corporate assistant wrote: “If someone helps your business and you need me to be nice to him or her, I won't embarrass you.” BLACKLACE: No. REDROOM: Background. This time the file belonged to a woman who had spent nine years working for one executive. First as assistant. Then travel assistant. Then personal assistant. Then the person he called after midnight. Then the woman whose hotel room was always beside his. Then the woman he occasionally sent to entertain clients. She reported him. Human resources interviewed six people. Two confirmed pieces of her story. Four “could not remember.” The investigation concluded without action. She was dismissed for inappropriate workplace conduct. The executive remained. Six months later he became a vice president. Her VamFem application contained: “I understand powerful people have expectations.” REDROOM: Name him. ADMIN-VF: No. REDROOM: Give me the company. ADMIN-VF: No. REDROOM: Give me five minutes. ADMIN-VF: Especially no. Another woman promised: “I will never make you look bad in front of your friends.” Her file showed a husband who corrected her speech in public. Another wrote: “I know when to shut up.” Her former partner had broken her jaw. Another wrote: “You never have to ask twice.” Former pimp. Another: “I don't need days off.” Former club manager. Another: “I can work when I'm sick.” Former employer. Another: “You can wake me whenever you want.” Former husband. Another: “I can make myself useful.” Former foster placement. Another: “I don't need affection. I know that's extra.” That one stopped everything. BLACKLACE: What does THAT mean? Nobody answered immediately. Eventually MorningStar posted: MORNINGSTAR: Her ex told her housing, food and protection were what she received in exchange for being useful. Affection had to be earned separately. SABLE: How? MORNINGSTAR: You don't want the answer. SABLE: I didn't ask what she did. A pause. SABLE: I asked what he made her believe. Nobody had anything to say after that. Then the prison file appeared. Thirty-three years old. Twenty-two months incarcerated for fraud and conspiracy. The internal VamFem investigation concluded that the accounts had been opened in her name by her boyfriend, the transactions had been directed by him, and multiple signatures appeared inconsistent with hers. He cooperated with prosecutors. He served no prison time. She did. Her proposal read: “You can lock the doors when you leave.” And beneath it: “I won't complain.” Then: “Honestly, locked doors don't bother me.” And finally: “At least if you lock me in, I’ll know you intend to come back.” BLACKLACE: [BLEEP]. REDROOM: I hate this thread. SABLE: We all laughed at the underwear. MORNINGSTAR: Yes. Nobody seemed interested in underwear anymore. But the thread grew. One woman offered to sign a contract giving the vampire complete control over her wardrobe, schedule, bank account and travel. A former husband had once made her sign almost exactly that. Another offered to sleep on the floor because her pimp used to make her do it when she had not earned enough. Another promised to stand silently against a wall during parties because her ex used to tell her guests did not want to hear her opinions. One said: “I can be invisible when you need me to.” Her boss had used those exact words. One wrote: “I’m good at being whatever people need.” Her therapist's intake note described chronic identity suppression after years of coercive relationships. One offered: “You can call me anything.” Former clients had. One wrote: “I answer to [BLEEP], [BLEEP], [BLEEP], sweetheart, baby, property, whatever works.” That finally triggered disgust. BLACKLACE: Absolutely not. REDROOM: Who let that through the applicant system? ADMIN-VF: The system does not reject applicants for having been damaged by someone else. That answer changed the conversation again. Then came AshenRose. She had remained silent through nearly the entire thread. Until she wrote: ASHENROSE: I took one home. Nobody immediately understood. REDROOM: One what? ASHENROSE: One of these women. BLACKLACE: Permanent? ASHENROSE: Yes. SABLE: How long ago? ASHENROSE: Almost a year. REDROOM: What did she offer? AshenRose's reply arrived in pieces. ASHENROSE: Everything. Then: ASHENROSE: Literally everything. Then: ASHENROSE: No underwear. No privacy. No control over her own money. No closed doors. No friends unless I approved them. She offered to cook naked, clean naked, sleep on the floor, kneel when I entered the room, stand when I ate, stay awake until I slept, wake before me, dress however I ordered, change her hair, change her name, give me passwords, give me her paycheck, give me her passport. The thread remained silent. ASHENROSE: That was the normal part. BLACKLACE: Normal? ASHENROSE: Then came the [BLEEP]. Another message. ASHENROSE: And more [BLEEP]. Another. ASHENROSE: And one thing involving three strangers that made me ask her whether she was joking. SABLE: Was she? ASHENROSE: No. Another pause. ASHENROSE: She offered things worse than anything in this thread. REDROOM: Why? AshenRose answered: ASHENROSE: Because she thought I expected them. Then came the background. First abusive boyfriend at seventeen. Older club promoter at nineteen. Pimp by twenty. Escaped. Returned. Escaped again. Worked for a nightclub owner. Nightclub owner exploited her. Later boyfriend controlled her income. Later boyfriend demanded passwords. Later boyfriend sold her car without permission. Later boyfriend threatened her whenever she attempted to leave. There were missing years. There were hospital admissions. There were photographs unavailable even to most vampires. One shelter intake report contained the line: “Subject consistently describes herself as belonging to whoever provides housing.” SABLE: Oh God. ASHENROSE: Yes. Then AshenRose described the first morning. ASHENROSE: I woke up alone. BLACKLACE: She left? ASHENROSE: No. Another message. ASHENROSE: She was kneeling beside the bed. REDROOM: Why? ASHENROSE: Waiting for me to wake up. SABLE: For what? ASHENROSE: Instructions. No one wrote anything. ASHENROSE: She had already made coffee. ASHENROSE: Cleaned the bathroom. ASHENROSE: Folded everything I had taken off the night before. ASHENROSE: Polished my shoes. Then: ASHENROSE: And put all her belongings into one drawer because she thought using more space without permission would be disrespectful. BLACKLACE: What did you say? ASHENROSE: I told her half the closet was hers. REDROOM: And? ASHENROSE: She cried. A pause. ASHENROSE: Then apologized for crying. Another. ASHENROSE: Then apologized for apologizing. Even through the leak, one could almost feel the vampires sitting quietly behind their screens. AshenRose continued. ASHENROSE: The first week she asked before eating. SABLE: Every time? ASHENROSE: Every time. ASHENROSE: “May I have breakfast?” ASHENROSE: “May I get water?” ASHENROSE: “Is it okay if I finish this?” REDROOM: [BLEEP]. ASHENROSE: The second week I found her standing in the kitchen at two in the morning. BLACKLACE: Why? ASHENROSE: She was thirsty. BLACKLACE: So? ASHENROSE: I was asleep. Nobody answered. ASHENROSE: She didn't believe she was allowed to open the refrigerator if I wasn't awake to approve it. That was month one. Month two, according to AshenRose, was better. But only slightly. She no longer asked permission for water. She still asked before eating anything expensive. She still stood up automatically when AshenRose entered a room. She still tried to hand over every receipt. She still asked whether certain clothes were “acceptable.” She still called herself horrible names whenever she made mistakes. ASHENROSE: Dropped a plate once. REDROOM: And? ASHENROSE: Called herself a stupid [BLEEP]. BLACKLACE: What did you do? ASHENROSE: Asked her whose voice that was. The thread slowed. SABLE: What did she say? ASHENROSE: Nothing. Another pause. ASHENROSE: Then she said his name. Month three. She stopped asking permission to leave the apartment. Mostly. Month four. She still stood beside the bed sometimes after nightmares because she could not make herself wake AshenRose without permission. Month five. She began spending her own money without asking. The first purchase was lipstick. Eleven dollars. She brought AshenRose the receipt. REDROOM: What did you do? ASHENROSE: Threw it away. SABLE: And she panicked? ASHENROSE: Completely. Then: ASHENROSE: So I pulled it back out of the trash. BLACKLACE: Why? ASHENROSE: Because reconditioning somebody is not the same thing as frightening them into a new set of rules. That was one of the lines later quoted throughout the leaked archive. AshenRose said it took almost six months before the woman began acting as though the apartment was actually her home. Not a place she had earned. Not a place that could be revoked for disobedience. Home. ASHENROSE: The first time she walked into the kitchen wearing one of my shirts, opened the refrigerator without asking, ate the expensive strawberries directly out of the container and left the refrigerator door open while complaining about my music, I nearly cried. REDROOM: That is the strangest recovery milestone I have ever heard. ASHENROSE: It was beautiful. Then: ASHENROSE: She still slips. SABLE: How often? ASHENROSE: Less now. ASHENROSE: But sometimes I ask something ordinary and she answers immediately with “Yes, ma’am.” REDROOM: The voice? ASHENROSE: The voice. BLACKLACE: You hate it. ASHENROSE: I hate what created it. Sometimes, AshenRose explained, the woman catches herself. Sometimes she stops mid-sentence. Sometimes she covers her face. Sometimes she becomes angry. Sometimes she laughs. ASHENROSE: Last month she asked whether she was allowed to buy a pair of shoes. REDROOM: No. ASHENROSE: I just stared at her. BLACKLACE: How long? ASHENROSE: Ten seconds. SABLE: Cruel. ASHENROSE: Then she looked at me, looked at the website, looked back at me and said, “Oh for [BLEEP]'s sake.” The first genuine laughter in the thread appeared. ASHENROSE: Then she said, “I did it again.” REDROOM: Please tell me she bought the shoes. ASHENROSE: Three pairs. BLACKLACE: There is hope. But the story did not stay light. AshenRose admitted there were worse moments. Moments when an accidental phrase triggered the old obedience. Moments when the woman tried to make herself available instead of simply saying she was tired. Moments when she automatically offered to do something AshenRose had never requested. Moments when she used one of the degrading names previous men had used for her. SABLE: What happens then? ASHENROSE: I stop her. REDROOM: Every time? ASHENROSE: Every time. ASHENROSE: Sometimes she cries. ASHENROSE: Sometimes she swears. ASHENROSE: Sometimes she gets angry that it is still inside her. Then: ASHENROSE: And sometimes she realizes halfway through what she is doing and we both start laughing. One vampire asked: BLACKLACE: Laughing? ASHENROSE: Yes. BLACKLACE: About that? ASHENROSE: Not at what happened to her. Another message followed. ASHENROSE: At the fact that the old programming still occasionally tries to run and now she recognizes it before it gets very far. Then AshenRose gave an example. ASHENROSE: A few nights ago she started with, “Whatever you want tonight.” REDROOM: Uh-oh. ASHENROSE: I looked at her. ASHENROSE: She looked at me. ASHENROSE: I raised one eyebrow. ASHENROSE: She stared for about two seconds and said, “Don't.” BLACKLACE: And? ASHENROSE: I hadn't said anything. ASHENROSE: Then she started laughing. SABLE: And you? ASHENROSE: I did too. Then: ASHENROSE: She called herself an idiot. ASHENROSE: I told her she wasn't allowed to insult my girlfriend. REDROOM: Good answer. ASHENROSE: She told me to shut up. BLACKLACE: Excellent progress. AshenRose's next message changed the tone once again. ASHENROSE: Then we went to bed. Another. ASHENROSE: And the next morning she woke up with her hair everywhere, stole my pillow, drank half my coffee, complained that the room was too bright and asked what we were doing for lunch. Another. ASHENROSE: And she was the sweetest person in the world again. Then came the line that nobody expected from a vampire who had begun by discussing a woman who once offered herself like property. ASHENROSE: I actually love her. No one interrupted. ASHENROSE: I don't love the woman who kneels. ASHENROSE: I don't love the woman who asks permission to eat. ASHENROSE: I don't love the woman who offers every degrading thing she was ever taught somebody might want. Then: ASHENROSE: I love the woman who steals my coffee. ASHENROSE: I love the woman who buys three pairs of shoes after asking permission for one. ASHENROSE: I love the woman who tells me my driving is terrible. ASHENROSE: I love the woman who laughs so loudly in restaurants that people turn around. ASHENROSE: I love the woman who now takes twenty minutes deciding what she wants for dinner because she finally understands she is allowed to have a preference. Then: ASHENROSE: I love her. And finally: ASHENROSE: And she definitely loves me. Several heart symbols appeared. Then RedRoom asked the question that brought the entire discussion back to its beginning. REDROOM: But when she first made those offers— ASHENROSE: Yes. REDROOM: She really meant them? ASHENROSE: Every one. BLACKLACE: She would really have done all of it? A long pause followed. Then: ASHENROSE: She did some of it before I understood what was happening. Nobody replied. ASHENROSE: That is the part you should remember before laughing at these messages. Another. ASHENROSE: She wasn't pretending. Another. ASHENROSE: She wasn't trying to be outrageous. Another. ASHENROSE: She genuinely believed the safest way to make me keep her was to erase herself before I had the opportunity to ask. The thread went completely silent. Then MorningStar wrote: MORNINGSTAR: Pimps. SABLE: Bosses. BLACKLACE: Husbands. REDROOM: Boyfriends. VELVETTHIRST: Clients. MORNINGSTAR: Families. And finally AshenRose: ASHENROSE: Exactly. Then one last avalanche of applicant messages appeared, almost unbearable now that everyone understood what they were actually reading. “I won't say no.” “I don't need money.” “I don't need privacy.” “You can choose my clothes.” “You can choose my friends.” “You can choose my name.” “I can stay quiet.” “I can take pain.” “You can lend me out.” “I know how to make powerful people happy.” “I won't embarrass you.” “I don't need days off.” “I don't need affection.” “I can sleep anywhere.” “I can be whatever you need.” “I can disappear when you don't want me.” “I can do [BLEEP].” “I can do [BLEEP].” “I can do [BLEEP].” “I can do things I promised myself I would never do again.” Then came the final message. No name. No photograph. No background file. Just an applicant begging a vampire to keep her. “I don't know what you want from me, so I am trying to think of everything anybody has ever wanted before. I can cook. I can clean. I can be quiet. I can be loud. I can dress like a [BLEEP]. I can act like a [BLEEP]. I can let you [BLEEP]. I can do [BLEEP]. I can do the things I hate. I can do the things that hurt. I can do things I have never done. I can learn. I won't complain. I won't embarrass you. I won't ask for too much. I won't ask where you are going. I won't ask when you are coming back. I won't ask you to love me. Just tell me what it takes so I don't have to leave.” No vampire laughed. No one reacted with disgust. No one asked what the censored words meant. Then AshenRose replied. ASHENROSE: Nothing. A minute later: ASHENROSE: It should take nothing. Then: ASHENROSE: If somebody wants you permanently, the price should not be you. And finally, the line that would become the headline pulled from the leak: ASHENROSE: The horrifying part isn't what these women are willing to offer. Another message appeared. ASHENROSE: It's how many people spent years teaching them that “whatever it takes” was the only way anybody would ever let them stay.