THE QUESTION

The Question Many VamFem Women Dream of Hearing A perma-girl is something very different from an ordinary VamFem date. Most women who join VamFem.com understand from the beginning that a night with a vampire may be extraordinary, unforgettable and perhaps even life-changing, while still remaining exactly what it was intended to be — one night. Some vampires enjoy dating different women and have absolutely no desire for a permanent girlfriend. Some may go years without considering one. Others discover unexpectedly that one particular woman is someone they simply do not want to send home anymore. And not every woman applying to VamFem is looking for permanence either. Some are perfectly happy with the experience itself, with an occasional invitation, or simply with being chosen once and carrying that memory with them. But for many women, becoming a vampire's perma-girl is the dream they barely admit even to themselves. Especially for women who came to VamFem after failed marriages, betrayals, years of disappointing relationships, or simply reaching the point where they had stopped believing that anyone would ever look at them and say: I want you in my life. That is why the second invitation can cause so much excitement. One night may simply have been one incredible night. A second date means the vampire chose her again . It does not mean permanence, and experienced VamFem members know better than to assume that it does, but knowing that and controlling their imagination are two very different things. A second date is often considerably more relaxed than the first. Instead of another spectacular night built around anticipation and surprise, it may become an entire weekend at the vampire's home, with breakfast together, shopping, hours on the sofa, dinner somewhere familiar, wandering through the vampire's enormous closet, meeting a few people from her everyday life, or simply discovering what this glamorous, mysterious woman is like when she is not orchestrating an unforgettable first encounter. Those ordinary moments can be far more dangerous to a woman's hopes than the spectacular ones. Because suddenly she can imagine belonging there. And she desperately tries not to. She notices that her toothbrush is still in the bathroom from the previous night. She notices that the vampire bought the coffee she likes. She notices a robe hanging beside the bed that happens to be her size. She notices that nobody seems surprised to see her there. And still she tells herself: Do not get ideas. Then there may be a third date. Perhaps another weekend. Perhaps a trip. Perhaps another night where the vampire does not seem interested in impressing her anymore because she is simply comfortable having her there. And that is when many women begin wondering whether something is changing. Still, there is no VamFem rule saying a second, third or fifth date will lead anywhere permanent. Some vampires never ask. Some women date the same vampire occasionally for months without either woman wanting anything more. Some vampires know remarkably quickly. Others take their time because permanence means much more than simply having a favorite date. It means sharing a home. Sharing routines. Sharing travel. Sharing feeding nights. Sharing privacy. Sharing the parts of vampire life very few humans ever see. And then, occasionally, somewhere during that second weekend, third date or one of the evenings that follows, the conversation changes. The question comes. Sometimes beautifully. Sometimes casually. Sometimes so unexpectedly that the woman barely understands what she has just heard. We asked several current perma-girls what they remembered about that moment. None of them remembered it calmly. “I had spent the entire second weekend telling myself it meant nothing,” one woman told us. “She took me shopping, made breakfast for me, let me wander around her home like I already belonged there, and every five minutes I was telling myself, ‘Do not get ideas.’ Then Sunday evening she looked at me and said, ‘Would you like to stop packing a bag every time you come here?’ I just stared at her. I knew exactly what she meant, but I was afraid to believe it.” Another remembered the question coming on their third date. “There was no champagne, no dramatic setup, nothing. We were sitting together and she took my hand and said, ‘Would you like to be my permanent girlfriend?’ I covered my mouth because I knew I was going to cry. Then I did cry so hard she finally had to ask whether those were happy tears.” They were. A third woman never managed to remain seated. “I ended up on my knees in front of her. I don't remember deciding to do it. I just remember looking up at this woman who had somehow made me feel wanted again and saying, ‘Are you serious? You really mean permanent?’ She laughed and said, ‘That was the question.’ I think I said yes about twenty times.” One perma-girl told us she actually said no the first time. Or at least something that sounded like it. “She asked me, and I said, ‘No, no, no, no,’ while I was crying and grabbing her. She looked completely confused. I had to explain that I meant, ‘No, this cannot possibly be happening to me.’ Then I finally managed to say yes.” Another had spent several dates preparing herself for disappointment. “By the fourth date I was convinced we had something special, but I knew she had been dating through VamFem for years and had never once asked a woman to become her perma-girl. She had always been perfectly happy with one night, or occasionally seeing the same woman again, so I kept telling myself I had no reason to think I would be different. Then she looked at me and asked, ‘Would you like to be my permanent girlfriend?’ I actually said, ‘Me?’ She smiled and said, ‘There isn't going to be anybody else.’ That was when I completely lost it.” For another woman, the question came while she was standing inside the vampire's enormous walk-in closet. “She had cleared one small section for some things I had left there. I thought that alone was the most romantic thing anybody had ever done for me. Then she opened another door and there was this huge empty section, and she said, ‘This could be yours, if you'd like it to be.’ I started crying before she even finished asking.” One woman remembered laughing uncontrollably. “I was crying and laughing at the same time. She kept asking, ‘Is that a yes?’ and I couldn't answer because every time I looked at her I started laughing again. I had spent my entire adult life thinking permanent relationships were something that worked for other people.” Another remembered almost nothing except the embrace afterward. “I know she asked. I know I said yes. Everything between those two things is gone. My next clear memory is having both arms around her and thinking, I don't have to go home tomorrow. That was the thought that destroyed me.” Perhaps the simplest answer came from a woman who had already been a perma-girl for almost three years when we interviewed her. “People think the exciting part was the penthouse, the clothes, the restaurants, all of that. It wasn't. It was hearing someone I adored say that she wanted me there tomorrow, and the day after that, and after that. That was the dream.” The photographs accompanying this article capture only seconds from those moments — a hand suddenly covering a mouth, tears appearing before the woman can stop them, someone dropping to her knees, another throwing herself into her vampire's arms, laughter through disbelief, or simply that stunned expression of a woman hearing the words she had secretly imagined but refused to expect. For many, there is another emotion underneath all of it. Relief. Because up until that moment, even repeated invitations still carried uncertainty. Will there be another date? Will she choose me again? Am I reading too much into this? Does she feel what I feel? The question ends all of that. Not every VamFem woman wants permanence. Not every vampire wants a permanent girlfriend. And even repeated dates do not promise that the question will ever come. That uncertainty may be exactly why it means so much when it finally does. Because for many women who secretly hoped that being chosen again might someday become something more, the most exciting words on VamFem.com eventually stop being: “You have been chosen.” And become something much quieter. “Would you like to stay?”