The Secret Sapphic Cocktail List

Ten drinks. A few secrets. Absolutely no heterosexual explanations required. There are cocktail menus. And then there are the menus you are not technically supposed to have . Maybe this one was slipped under your glass at closing time. Maybe you found it inside a battered secondhand novel. Maybe a woman with excellent boots handed it to you and said, very specifically: “Don’t tell anyone where you got this.” Naturally, we are publishing it on the internet. What follows are ten simple cocktails from the unofficial sapphic underground — some historical, some ridiculous, some romantic, and at least one that should probably prevent you from texting your ex. CONFIDENTIAL FILE 01 The Lavender Menace Vodka • Lemonade • Lavender A deceptively delicate drink named for women who were anything but. You’ll need: 1½ oz vodka 4 oz lemonade Splash of lavender syrup Ice Lemon or lavender for garnish Pour everything over ice and stir. Secret note: Looks delicate. Not so much. CONFIDENTIAL FILE 02 The U-Haul Tequila • Lime • Grapefruit You met on Friday. By Sunday there is somehow a toothbrush in your bathroom and she has opinions about where the bookshelves should go. Coincidence. You’ll need: 1½ oz tequila Juice of ½ lime Grapefruit soda Ice Pour tequila and lime over ice and top with grapefruit soda. Secret note: Forty-eight hours later, you share a bookshelf. CONFIDENTIAL FILE 03 Sappho’s Secret Gin • Lemon • Honey For poets, romantics, women staring dramatically across candlelit rooms, and anyone currently describing a crush as “an unbearable sweetness.” You’ll need: 1½ oz gin ¾ oz lemon juice ½ oz honey syrup Ice Shake with ice and strain into a coupe. Secret note: Poetry gets easier after the first one. CONFIDENTIAL FILE 04 The Femme Fatale Prosecco • Raspberry • Elderflower She entered the room fifteen minutes ago. You have absolutely not been watching her. Obviously. You’ll need: Chilled prosecco Small splash of elderflower cordial 2–3 raspberries Drop the raspberries into a coupe or flute, add elderflower, and top with prosecco. Secret note: She already knows you’re looking. CONFIDENTIAL FILE 05 The Butch Old Fashioned Bourbon • Maple • Bitters Simple. Reliable. Excellent taste. Like the woman who somehow owns both a socket set and extremely expensive coffee equipment. You’ll need: 2 oz bourbon 1 tsp maple syrup 2 dashes bitters Ice Stir with ice and serve over one large cube. Secret note: No garnish necessary. CONFIDENTIAL FILE 06 The Lesbian Bar Gin • Cranberry • Lime This one is for the places that mattered. The tiny bars. The impossible-to-find upstairs rooms. The neighborhood spots. The dance floors. The places where somebody spent twenty minutes gathering enough courage to walk across the room and ask: “Can I buy you a drink?” You’ll need: 1½ oz gin 2 oz cranberry juice Fresh lime juice Soda water Ice Build over ice and top with soda. Secret note: For every place where courage sounded like: Can I buy you a drink? CONFIDENTIAL FILE 07 The Flannel Shirt Bourbon • Apple • Ginger Technically an autumn drink. But so is flannel, and nobody appears to be enforcing that rule either. You’ll need: 1½ oz bourbon 3 oz apple cider Ginger ale Ice Pour bourbon and cider over ice. Top with ginger ale. Secret note: Seasonal in theory. Flannel forever. CONFIDENTIAL FILE 08 The Ex-Girlfriend Vodka • Cranberry • Lime A dangerously uncomplicated drink for an extremely complicated evening. You’ll need: 1½ oz vodka Cranberry juice Fresh lime Ice Pour over ice. Consume responsibly. Use your phone significantly less responsibly at your own risk. Secret note: Deleting her number was not enough. CONFIDENTIAL FILE 09 The Soft Launch Rosé • Strawberry • Soda Nobody has said you are dating. Nobody has needed to. There have merely been fourteen photographs of the same mysterious woman's hand appearing beside yours. You’ll need: 4 oz chilled rosé 2 sliced strawberries Splash of soda water Ice Build everything in a large wine glass. Secret note: Nobody said dating. Instagram did. CONFIDENTIAL FILE 10 Friends of Dorothy Gin • Blue Curaçao • Lemonade A little bright. A little theatrical. And a nod to one of the most famous pieces of queer coded language. You’ll need: 1 oz gin ½ oz blue curaçao Lemonade Ice Pour over ice and top with lemonade. Secret note: The password still works. The Secret Menu For anyone taking notes: The Lavender Menace — vodka / lemonade / lavender The U-Haul — tequila / lime / grapefruit Sappho’s Secret — gin / lemon / honey The Femme Fatale — prosecco / raspberry / elderflower The Butch Old Fashioned — bourbon / maple / bitters The Lesbian Bar — gin / cranberry / lime The Flannel Shirt — bourbon / apple / ginger The Ex-Girlfriend — vodka / cranberry / lime The Soft Launch — rosé / strawberry / soda Friends of Dorothy — gin / blue curaçao / lemonade For Our Metric Girlfriends 🍸 The Lavender Menace — 45 ml vodka, 120 ml lemonade, splash of lavender syrup The U-Haul — 45 ml tequila, juice of ½ lime, grapefruit soda Sappho’s Secret — 45 ml gin, 22 ml lemon juice, 15 ml honey syrup The Femme Fatale — prosecco, splash of elderflower cordial, 2–3 raspberries The Butch Old Fashioned — 60 ml bourbon, 5 ml maple syrup, 2 dashes bitters The Lesbian Bar — 45 ml gin, 60 ml cranberry juice, lime juice, soda water The Flannel Shirt — 45 ml bourbon, 90 ml apple cider, ginger ale The Ex-Girlfriend — 45 ml vodka, cranberry juice, fresh lime The Soft Launch — 120 ml chilled rosé, 2 sliced strawberries, splash of soda water Friends of Dorothy — 30 ml gin, 15 ml blue curaçao, lemonade One Final Rule If someone asks where you found this list: You don’t remember. You’ve never seen it before. You certainly did not bookmark this page. But if she’s cute? Tell her everything. Please drink responsibly. Bad flirting decisions remain entirely optional.